Lately I’ve been thinking about the term balance. Probably because I have A LOT on my plate right now and I keep being asked, “How do you have time for this?” This being whatever new thing I’ve taken on at the moment.
Somehow I find the time, but I think the people who are watching me do the things I do assume that I have found balance. Nope. Because there is no such thing. At least not in the “happily giving all things equal weight and successfully making everyone happy.” That is just bullshit. And I have to call it that because there is no other word, so for those of you easily offended go read someone else.
Balance does not exist. I do not have balance and I will not pretend that I do. I live in chaos. Managed and ordered chaos but it is still chaos.
The trick is knowing which part of the chaos needs my attention in the moment. Not wants my attention – NEEDS my attention. I will stop what I’m doing when I sense a growing need arise and I will devote undivided attention. This is not balance and it’s not juggling weights, it’s simply putting one weight down and picking up another.
Magically, everything that NEEDS to get done, get’s done. A lot of the “want to get done” has to fall away. The funny thing is most of the stuff I let fall away are things that other’s have added to my “to do” list because they have a want. As mad as it makes you to read this I am not sorry.
There are so many hours in the day and I need to spend what time I have living the life I intend instead of a life of inertia. For those of you who look at me and see someone in balance, lithely dancing on the edge of a cliff – Ha, ha! I fooled you! For those of you who see me as a hot mess clinging to the edge for all I’m worth – I’ve made peace with that image. If I ever do find balance I promise I’ll let you know the secret. For now, I’m happy holding on for dear life.
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